September 2, 2013

Beating Back-to-School Anxiety

Every year, the start of school produces opposing emotions in me. It both excites me and raises my anxiety. Growing up, there was a lot about fall that I saw as good: helping my mom prepare her elementary classroom, shopping for school supplies, playing tennis in the cooling weather (it was a fall sport when I was in high school), and planning for the upcoming year.  But simultaneously I was afraid of change and new experiences like having to form new relationships and learning new routines.  I guess it's not very surprising that now, as a momma and a professional, I still feel that emotional consternation. Now I get to feel the excitement of my children starting a new school year and I worry about how it will go for them. I'm excited to start my new position as a school counselor this year but also feel anxious about how I will be perform and if the students will respect me and if I'll get along with the staff and...Maybe you can identify with this, too, that If I'm not careful, my anxiety can overrun my excitement.

I have learned to adapt and one of my methods for handling change and unfamiliar routines is to make plans--cleaning and exercise procedures, meal prep strategies, curriculum blueprints, etc. And, oh, my plans for this year are lofty!  I would love to exercise every morning before my girls wake up, have my quiet time before work, leave for the day with a clean house and dinner already prepped, serve a healthy after school snack, read with each girl before bedtime, and get good sleep. I also want to blog more, read more, and have a cleaner house. As I consider all these plans for my perfect back to school life, I realize that (here comes the counselor in me) I'm managing my anxiety produced by things I can't control by working hard at finding things I CAN control. And I'm not sure that's okay.

What is any of that worth if I’m not growing in Christ’s likeness? What good is a clean house if I don’t have a clean heart?  Or what good is a healthy after school snack if I’m not spiritually nourishing my children? Am I working hardest at trusting God in the midst of my unknowns and fears or working hard at staying in control? And I realize that should be my plan. Only that. To put God first, walk closely with him and do my best with the rest.

So this is my focus this week. My only plan as I start my job with students as a school counselor, and Evie attends full-day kindergarten, and Addy begins 4th grade--is that I will start and end my day with Jesus. Remembering the comfort of Deuteronomy 31:6, “Be strong and courageous.  Do not be afraid or terrified...for the Lord your God goes with you; He will never leave you nor forsake you.”  This new stuff is okay!  God’s way bigger than any of my small fry problems. And I’m thanking God that He’s with me and asking that He make me “strong and courageous” in my character and my actions. That same prayer I will pray for my girls, too--that He will make them strong in character and deed, that they will depend on God for their courage and make Him the love of their lives. And knowing that God is strong enough to handle all of that is what gets me truly excited.