Fight with Hubs

Kyle and I had a fight today--don't worry, we resolved it.  Rather, I resolved it...he didn't even know we had a fight.  That's how good I am at knowing my husband.  I argued with him in my head because the argument is so common place for us, I knew where he would earn his victory points, and I didn't want to hear them from his mouth, I decided to relinquish before he knew what hit him--or didn't hit him.

Here's how it played out (I'm going to pretend all this detail is relevant so I can make my point, but really I just enjoy embellishing a mediocre story).

Last night, Kyle and I worked out together and then I started dinner--feeling rather icky from the plyometrics--and with a hungry one-year-old wrapped around my leg and a chatty three-year-old on the counter begging to help.  (This is pertinent information so that you, my reader, can begin to feel how my blood pressure was heightened).  When brinner (I made breakfast for dinner) was ready, I called downstairs to Kyle for him to come up.  I then served dinner on individual plates and set them on the table.  Called him again...perhaps with some animosity in my voice... but just a smidge.  Adelaide came up then, apologizing. All three girls at the table, hot food cooling off, "Where is your dad?" I ask AJ.  "Finishing the cartoon we were watching."  Oh, that steamed me right up.  The kids don't watch t.v. on school nights, for starters.  For seconds, dinner takes precedence!  And then I said indignantly (and childishly), "Well, I hope his dinner is COLD!"  Yep.  I shouted the word cold.  And I said all that to my kids.  And my husband was walking up the stairs.... and heard me.  I was ashamed that he caught me but still felt right...  I made dinner, he shouldn't be so rude as to make us wait!

Then this morning, I got ready for work, and got three kiddos up and dressed and fed them breakfast and Kyle--he worked on the computer.  Oh, I made a good show of stretching so hard from the dishwasher to the cupboards as I laboriously unloaded the dishwasher before work, and I demonstrated super-mom skills braiding pigtails and practicing spelling words with AJ, thinking he was going to see this hard work of mine and pitch in.  After all, he made us wait for dinner and then didn't do any of the dishes and now... well.... now he's just sitting there typing.  Hrmph!  I left for work without saying goodbye.  That'll show him.

As I drove to work though, I realized quickly that he had not noticed my frustration.  He did not read my mind like I was hoping he would.  Instead, I was the one starting the day in a terrible mood.  And I confessed my bad attitude to God, asking that grace and blessing come from my mouth--not destruction (thank you Nancy Leigh deMoss and my neighborhood Bible study ladies).   Just a short prayer was not enough to quell my anger though, and it really ate at me through the morning until I played out what the scenario would be if I told him how I was feeling.

Me: Why don't you help me with the kids in the morning?  You leave me to do all the work.
Husband: Did you ask me to do something?  Just ask if you need help.
Me:  It was really rude to leave us waiting for dinner!!  You try cooking with hungry kids pulling all the food out of the cupboard and having all the food hot at the same time.
Husband:  I will cook if you want me to.  I appreciate you cooking.  I did tell you I would be up in a couple of minutes.
Me:  I just feel like you don't think about how I'm feeling or what I need.
Husband: (and this is the real hypothetical kicker)  You are constantly telling me what I am not doing for you and how I am not making you happy.  It would be nice if you were just happier.

THAT is how the conversation would have wrapped up.  It almost always goes back to that.  Kyle is not the only one screwing up on a daily basis...  I screw up all.the.time.  And I didn't need to hear that again.  Thank-you, Jesus, for helping me keep my mouth shut earlier.

So our fight came and went.  No words said in regret.  But a wife who is working on telling her husband what she appreciates about him and what he's doing well.  And trying to be happier.